Respect Our Parents

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

People in this country celebrate fathers and mothers days on some occasional days. For example the 18th of this month is Fathers’ Day and 26th of March was Mothers’ Day. You can see the signs everywhere which remind you that you musn’t forget to buy a gift for your lovely father.

Do you ever think about whether we really love our parents and show respect to them?
I’d like to say something about the position of parents in Islam.
Islam considers kindness to parents next to the worship of God.

Allah subhanehu ve teala says “Your Lord has decreed that you should worship nothing except Him, and [show] kindness to your parents; whether either of them or both of them should attain old age [while they are] still with you, never say to them: “Naughty!” nor scold either of them. Speak to them in a generous fashion.* Protect them carefully from outsiders, and say: ‘My Lord, show them mercy, just as they cared for me [when I was] a little child!’”

One day A man came to Prophet Muhammad (p) asking, “O Messenger of God, who among the people is the most worthy of my good company?” The Prophet (p) said, “Your mother.” The man said then, “Who else?” The Prophet (p) said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who else?” Only then did the Prophet (p) say, “Paradise is at the feet of mothers.”

At the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), there was a young man named Alqamah. He was very diligent in obeying Allah by engaging in prayer and fasting and spending money in charity. Then he fell ill and his illness became serious. His wife went to the Prophet and said, “My husband, Alqamah, is on his deathbed. I therefore came to tell you, Messenger of Allah, about his condition.” The Prophet then sent for Ammar or Suhaib and Bilal, and told them to go to him (Alqamah) and have him repeat the Shahadah. Thereupon they went to him and found him in the agony of death. They asked him to say, “La illaha illa Allah,” but his tongue was unable to pronounce it. At that, they came and told the Messenger of Allah that he was unable to repeat the Shahadah.

The Prophet asked, “Is either of his parents alive?” He was told, “Messenger of Allah, his mother is, but she is very old.” The Prophet sent her a message that if it was convenient for her (that is, is she was able to go out), she should come to him; otherwise she should stay in her house and the Prophet would come to her.

The Prophet’s messenger came to her and informed her of the Prophet’s message. She said, “May my life be a ransom for him, it is my pleasure to go to him!” She then stood up, leaning on her walking stick, and came to the Prophet and greeted him. The Prophet returned her greeting and said to her, “Umm Alqamah, tell me the truth, for otherwise Allah Most High will reveal the truth to me! What is the situation concerning your son, Alqamah?” She replied, “Messenger of Allah, he prays much, fasts a great deal, and spends a great amount in charity.” The Prophet said, “And what about yourself?” She said, “Messenger of Allah, I am angry with him.”

He said, “Why?” She replied, “Messenger of Allah, he has preferred his wife to me and has disobeyed me.” Then Allah’s Messenger said, “Umm Alqamah, surely your anger has prevented Alqamah’s tongue from pronouncing the Shahadah.”

He then turned to Bilal and said, “Bilal, go out and collect a quantity of firewood.” She said, “Messenger of Allah, what do you plan to do?” He replied, “I will burn him in front of your eyes.” She said, “Messenger of Allah, he is my son! My heart cannot bear your burning him in front of me!” He said, “Umm Alqamah, Allah’s punishment is more severe and more lasting! Therefore, if you want Allah to forgive him, be reconciled to him. By the One in Whose Hand is my soul, the prayer, fasting, and spending in charity (which he has done) are of no benefit to Alqamah as long as you are angry with him! Thereupon she said, “Messenger of Allah, I call upon Allah Most High and His angels and the Muslims who are present to be my witnesses that I am pleased with my son Alqamah.” Allah’s Messenger said, “Bilal, go to him and see whether he is now able to say, “La illaha illa Allah” or not. It may be that Umm Alqamah is saying something for my sake which is not in her heart.”

Thereupon Bilal went, and while entering the door he heard Alqamah saying, “La illaha illa Allah.” Concerning this, Bilal remarked, “It is surely true that while Alqamah’s mother was angry with him his tongue was tied, and now that she is pleased with him his tongue is freed.” Alqamah died the same day. The Prophet came to him and gave the order for his washing and shrouding, and then prayed the funeral prayer for him and buried him. He then stood by the side of his grave and said, “You company of Muhajireen and Helpers, if anyone favours his wife over his mother, Allah and His angels and all the people curse him! Allah does not accept his spending (in charity) and his uprightness unless he repents toward Allah, the Glorious and Majestic, and reconciles himself with her and attains her pleasure, because Allah’s pleasure consists in her pleasure and Allah’s anger consists in her anger.”

We must always be respectful and obedient to our parents. However, we are not to obey them if they order us to disobey Allah and His Prophet. Other than this, they deserve our utmost attention and respect even if they are non-Muslims.

I’d like to finish my hutbe with the advice given by the great Turkish thinker, Sheik Edebali to Osman the first, the founder of the Ottoman empire;

“O son! Respect your mother and ancestors, prosperity and goodness are with your elders. If you sadden them, when brimming with life, you will turn into a desert.”